


Feline Diplomacy

by bwblack



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Cats, Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-04
Updated: 2013-07-04
Packaged: 2017-12-17 15:55:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/869311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bwblack/pseuds/bwblack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mycroft recruits John for an unusual bit of diplomacy  </p>
<p>Written for <a href="http://watsons-woes.livejournal.com/"> Watson's Woes</a> July Writing Prompt #1.   The Picture that was the prompt is included at the top of the story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feline Diplomacy

"Mycroft," John hissed. 

"John?" Mycroft purred.

"You implied you needed my particular expertise on a delicate matter of international importance."

"Yes." Mycroft agreed.

"You've turned me into a cat!"

"Yes."

"Yes? Yes? Is that all you can say? Yes?"

"No." Mycroft yawned.

"No?!?"

"I am fully fluent." 

"Right," John growled.

"Then that's settled, is it?"

"Not in the least!"

"No?"

"NO!"

"Oh dear. Are you displeased?"

"Displeased? I'm a cat." John protested.

"And?"

John sighed, "Why am I a cat, Mycroft? What could possibly be so important that you turned me into a cat?"

"The felines in Britain have gone on strike."

"Cat's don't go on strike."

"And you know this how?"

"Have _you_ ever seen a cat with a picket sign?"

Mycroft shook his head, "Don't be absurd, John."

"Me absurd?"

"Yes."

"You've just said the cats of greater London have collective bargaining!"

"Yes."

"And what, pray tell, are their grievances?"

"A lack of string."

"What?!?"

"The world has gone wireless, John. What is a cat to do for amusement?"

"How am I to know?"

"You are an expert on cats."

"I am no such thing."

"You said that you were!"

"I said I once had a cat!"

"Yes, a Mr. Fluffball, if I recall."

"Yes, a cat, one cat, I am no expert."

"You said you liked him."

"My cat? Yes, of course, he was my cat!"

"So, you understand how they think."

"I liked my childhood pet. I did not read cat psychology at university!"

"Of course you didn't, John." Mycroft huffed. "Don't be ridiculous."

"What am I supposed to do then?"

"Reason with the cats, John."

"And how do I do that?"

"If I knew, I would do it myself, wouldn't I? We weren't allowed pets, Sherlock and I. Mummy had allergies."

"Right." 

"It is important John."

"How?"

"Cats kill mice. Mice spread disease. Cats are the first line of defense against disease."

"Right? The common house cat is all that is keeping the world from an outbreak of bubonic plague, are they?"

"Something like that."

"Really?"

"I am not at liberty to say."

"Mycroft...."

"Talk to the cats, John. Reason with them."

"You want me to reason with a cat?"

"I want you to reason with all the cats."

"Right...." John sighed.

"Right." Mycroft gave a curt nod before hopping off the bench and onto the pavement below.

"And when I'm done you'll turn me back?"

"Of course."

"Promise?"

"Well...."

"Mycroft....." 

"You wouldn't happen to know anything about hamsters, would you?"


End file.
